Thursday, February 12, 2009

Just a number

It's just a number, or at least it should be just a number. But if it's a number why is so much of my self image tied up in this number. I went jean shopping yesterday and while I did come a way with a fantastic pair of jeans that make me feel totally sexy I also came a way upset. Its just a number, a randomly assigned size that is suck in my pants but still it makes me feel crummy. Its not the number I want and even though my husband finds me totally sexy I just don't see myself as sexy because I know what that number is. Why do I let that number have so much power over me. I can look in the mirror and for the most part I think I look good, especially for having two kids, but then I see that number and I want to cry. I want to be able to get past what the number says and see myself the way my husband does but for some reason I can't. My confidence and self image is totally and completely consumed by the fact that I don't like the number thats suck in the back of my pants. Whats worse is I didn't want to change that number and make it bigger so I didn't buy a totally adorable pair of pants. Why am I so paralyzed by this freaking number.

4 comments:

Erin J said...

Oh, man, I hear ya! I'm so tall that my size even when I'm super skinny (which I'm not) is this really high awful-sounding number whereas these cute small teenyboppers fit in size negative two. It's disheartening, I tell ya. Maybe you can take a sharpie and scratch out the number and write in a better one? :D

Kristin said...

I was browsing around Walmart the other day looking for a Valentine's gift for Andrew. The typical V-Day lingerie caught my eye and I stopped and thought "when was the last time I wore something that sexy? I couldn't remember, it's been at least a few years. Sexy PJ's have long been replaced with baggy t-shirts and pj pants. I realized that I hadn't worn one in so long because of that number and the extra numbers added to the scale that have been paralyzing me. I decided though that I know Andrew finds me sexy no matter how I look and he gets hurt when I don't fully accept his compliments about my looks. So I decided I owe it to him and myself to feel sexy again. We're celebrating Valentine's tonight since he has the night off...I know he'll Love his present, even if I feel vulnerable and ugh I'm going to do my best to hide it and not think about the numbers on the tag.

April, Tom, Aarynn, and Lily said...

Holy smokes, I'm totally with you here. I am reluctant to go shopping because of that number! And I hate how sizes are changing, too. I bought a really cute t-shirt, and even though the tag said "XL" it was NOT extra large, or even close to it! Phooey!

Remove the tag. That's my advice :)

Bobbi said...

I totally understand! I have battled with numbers changing in the back of my pants for years! It seems to always go the way I dont want it to go, even when I work my butt off and starve myself! Jon and I have been working out and watching what we eat now for 3 weeks and have gone to the gym at least 6 days out of the week if not more! I have been able to increase the intesity by two levels when I am on the bike and I waas so excited, but when I weighed myself I gained 3 pounds! WHAT THE HE**! Jon of course lost 5... it sucks!