Thursday, February 12, 2009
Just a number
It's just a number, or at least it should be just a number. But if it's a number why is so much of my self image tied up in this number. I went jean shopping yesterday and while I did come a way with a fantastic pair of jeans that make me feel totally sexy I also came a way upset. Its just a number, a randomly assigned size that is suck in my pants but still it makes me feel crummy. Its not the number I want and even though my husband finds me totally sexy I just don't see myself as sexy because I know what that number is. Why do I let that number have so much power over me. I can look in the mirror and for the most part I think I look good, especially for having two kids, but then I see that number and I want to cry. I want to be able to get past what the number says and see myself the way my husband does but for some reason I can't. My confidence and self image is totally and completely consumed by the fact that I don't like the number thats suck in the back of my pants. Whats worse is I didn't want to change that number and make it bigger so I didn't buy a totally adorable pair of pants. Why am I so paralyzed by this freaking number.
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4 comments:
Oh, man, I hear ya! I'm so tall that my size even when I'm super skinny (which I'm not) is this really high awful-sounding number whereas these cute small teenyboppers fit in size negative two. It's disheartening, I tell ya. Maybe you can take a sharpie and scratch out the number and write in a better one? :D
I was browsing around Walmart the other day looking for a Valentine's gift for Andrew. The typical V-Day lingerie caught my eye and I stopped and thought "when was the last time I wore something that sexy? I couldn't remember, it's been at least a few years. Sexy PJ's have long been replaced with baggy t-shirts and pj pants. I realized that I hadn't worn one in so long because of that number and the extra numbers added to the scale that have been paralyzing me. I decided though that I know Andrew finds me sexy no matter how I look and he gets hurt when I don't fully accept his compliments about my looks. So I decided I owe it to him and myself to feel sexy again. We're celebrating Valentine's tonight since he has the night off...I know he'll Love his present, even if I feel vulnerable and ugh I'm going to do my best to hide it and not think about the numbers on the tag.
Holy smokes, I'm totally with you here. I am reluctant to go shopping because of that number! And I hate how sizes are changing, too. I bought a really cute t-shirt, and even though the tag said "XL" it was NOT extra large, or even close to it! Phooey!
Remove the tag. That's my advice :)
I totally understand! I have battled with numbers changing in the back of my pants for years! It seems to always go the way I dont want it to go, even when I work my butt off and starve myself! Jon and I have been working out and watching what we eat now for 3 weeks and have gone to the gym at least 6 days out of the week if not more! I have been able to increase the intesity by two levels when I am on the bike and I waas so excited, but when I weighed myself I gained 3 pounds! WHAT THE HE**! Jon of course lost 5... it sucks!
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